Why the Body Doesn’t Feel Safe: Understanding Somatic Therapy and Polyvagal Theory
- Laura Starky
- Aug 18
- 6 min read
Updated: Oct 2
“Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.” – Peter Levine
In somatic therapy, we often say that the body “doesn’t feel safe.” But what do we really mean by that? It’s not just a thought in the mind. It’s a deep physiological state, shaped by the nervous system, that colours how we experience ourselves, others and the world. Polyvagal theory gives us a map for this. It helps us understand why we can know we are safe on one level, yet still feel anxious, numb or on edge in our bodies.
What Somatic Therapy Means by “Safety”
In somatic therapy, safety isn’t about whether the doors are locked or whether life is free from challenges. It’s about whether your nervous system has enough capacity to soften, rest and engage with the world without being stuck in protection.
When the body doesn’t feel safe, it shows up in many subtle ways:
Struggling to rest or sleep deeply even when you’re exhausted, your system keeps scanning for danger.
Cycles of overthinking and hypervigilance thoughts racing, attention hooked on what could go wrong.
Feeling numb, disconnected or shut down as if you’ve lost access to your own aliveness.
Reacting quickly to stress the smallest triggers feel amplified, sparking irritability or collapse.
These patterns aren’t random; they are the body’s way of protecting you. For some, the protection looks like staying “on” all the time. For others, it’s the opposite withdrawing, conserving energy and retreating inside.
Safety, then, is not just the absence of threat. It is the felt sense that allows you to exhale fully, feel what you ned to feel, to trust connection and to experience moments of ease without needing to brace. In somatic therapy, we work gently toward cultivating that state not as a permanent destination, but as a place your body can return to more often.
A Simple Map of Polyvagal Theory
Polyvagal theory, developed by Dr Stephen Porges, offers a map of how our autonomic nervous system (ANS) responds to safety and threat. Instead of thinking of stress as one single reaction, it shows us there are different pathways our body can take and each one designed to protect us.
Ventral vagal (safe and connected): In this state, our body feels grounded and at ease. Breath is steady, digestion works well, and we can make eye contact or reach out to others. We feel curious, calm and capable of responding to life rather than reacting. This is the state that allows for intimacy, play, creativity and authentic connection.
Sympathetic (mobilised): Here the nervous system prepares us to fight or flee. The heart rate quickens, muscles tense and adrenaline rises. You might feel restless, anxious, irritable or like you can’t sit still. Thoughts race as the mind scans for danger. This state is protective it gives us energy to act but when we live here too long it becomes exhausting and hard to switch off.
Dorsal vagal (shutdown): When fight or flight doesn’t feel possible, the system may collapse into shutdown. The body conserves energy: breath becomes shallow, digestion slows, emotions go numb, we can zone out even dissassociate. People often describe feeling foggy, disconnected, hopeless or as though they are moving through life behind glass. It’s not chosen it’s the body’s way of protecting against overwhelm.
Our bodies move through these states automatically. We don’t consciously decide them; they are survival responses wired deep into us. What matters is not avoiding these states, as they are part of being human but learning how to recognise them and support the system to move with more flexibility between them.
When the Body Gets Stuck in Protection
In times of chronic stress or unresolved trauma, the nervous system can lose its natural rhythm and become stuck in protective modes. These states are meant to be temporary, helping us respond to immediate threats, but when they linger, they start to colour everyday life.
Even if your mind knows, “I’m safe now,” your body may still be bracing shoulders tight, breath shallow, heart racing, sleep restless. The past is carried forward through your physiology.
For some, this looks like living mostly in sympathetic activation:
Constantly overworking, over-giving or striving
A racing mind that never switches off
Irritability, restlessness, or a sense of being on edge
Exhaustion that still doesn’t allow for rest
For others, it feels more like dorsal vagal shutdown:
Numbness or disconnection from feelings and relationships
A heavy, foggy state that makes it hard to concentrate
Difficulty finding motivation or energy
A sense of being cut off from joy, creativity or vitality
Sometimes people swing between the two, pushing hard in sympathetic overdrive until the system collapses into shutdown.
Somatic therapy helps the body catch up with the mind. Through gentle awareness and regulation practices, it supports the nervous system to release protective bracing and rediscover its natural capacity for movement and balance. Over time, you build the flexibility to visit these states without getting stuck in them, so your body can return more easily to safety, connection and ease.
The Stress Response and Hormones
When the body doesn’t feel safe, it’s not only the nervous system that reacts. The endocrine system, the network of glands and hormones that regulate our stress response also shifts into survival mode.
In moments of perceived threat, cortisol and adrenaline are released to prepare us for action. In short bursts, this is protective and even lifesaving. But when stress becomes chronic, these hormones stay elevated. Over time, this can affect sleep, digestion, immunity, and even reproductive health. Many people with long-term stress or trauma notice patterns of fatigue, inflammation or burnout that reflect this deeper hormonal imbalance.
By supporting the nervous system to return to balance, somatic therapy also helps the endocrine system recalibrate. As safety returns, stress hormones can settle. Clients often notice that as they feel safer, their sleep deepens, their digestion steadies and their energy begins to return.
Somatic Therapy and Nervous System Regulation
In practice, nervous system regulation in somatic therapy isn’t about forcing calm or erasing anxiety. It’s about creating the conditions where your body begins to remember what safety feels like.
This might include:
Tracking sensations Gently noticing what’s happening inside, like a flutter in the chest or warmth in the belly, and observing how these shift when given attention. Over time, this helps you trust your body’s language instead of fearing it.
Grounding and breath Using small anchors like feeling your feet on the floor, lengthening an exhale, or pressing your hands together. These cues let the nervous system know that the present moment is safe enough.
Movement and discharge Sometimes the body needs to move to complete unfinished stress responses: a shake of the hands, a stretch, a sigh. What looks small on the outside can be profoundly regulating inside.
Widening the window of tolerance Learning to stay present with emotions and sensations a little longer, so you don’t tip so quickly into overwhelm or shutdown. This builds resilience one gentle step at a time.
Co-regulation Experiencing what safety feels like in connection with another person. This might be through the therapeutic relationship, but it also extends to partners, friends or community. When we borrow another’s regulated nervous system, ours begins to settle too.
The aim isn’t to eliminate protective states. They’re part of being human. Instead, somatic therapy helps you move through them with more ease, so you’re not stuck in fight, flight or freeze. It’s about flexibility being able to return to balance, to rest and connection, when the storm has passed.
Everyday Signs of Safety and Threat
You don’t need a big crisis for your nervous system to shift state. It happens in the smallest of moments.
Think about how your body feels when you’re with someone who truly listens. Your shoulders drop, your breath slows and there’s a sense of softening inside. That’s your nervous system registering safety.
Now compare that to what happens when you receive a critical email, notice tension in someone’s voice, or remember something you forgot to do. The jaw tightens, breath becomes shallow, maybe your stomach flips. This is your body bracing for threat, even when there’s no physical danger.
These everyday shifts are important because they shape how we experience life. If your system spends most of its time in protection, it’s hard to access rest, play or genuine connection. Somatic therapy helps you become fluent in this language of the body, so you can notice these shifts sooner, respond with care and gently guide yourself back toward safety.
Why Feeling Safe in the Body Matters
When your body feels safe again, so much changes:
Rest becomes possible
Relationships feel easier and more nourishing
Creativity and play come back
Boundaries become clearer
Inner trust deepens
This is why somatic therapists talk about safety so often. It’s not just a nice idea, it’s the foundation for healing, connection and aliveness. When the body feels safe, old survival strategies no longer have to run the show. You have more choice in how you respond, more energy for what nourishes you and more space to be present with yourself and others. Safety isn’t the end of the journey, but it is the ground that makes growth, intimacy and vitality possible.
A Gentle Path Forward
If your body doesn’t feel safe right now, it means your nervous system is doing its best with what it has learned.
Through somatic therapy and nervous system regulation, you can begin to experience a different way of being - one where safety is not just something you think, but something you feel.
Ready to go deeper on your journey?
